A Marylesseean

Hey guys! It's been a few months since the Yes Man project ended. I believe I left off with saying that I wanted to continue to say yes to things that I normally wanted to say no to. I believe that I have been. 

I have realized since ending the Yes Man project that the more I choose to say yes to God, the more He takes me to places I never imagined I'd be. 

Years and years ago when I was seven years old my grandparents announced some of the most exciting news I had ever heard in my life, "We're going to Disney World!" Disney World was a far off land that I had only heard stories about, but never thought I could actually get there. Here I was, living the dream. 

We got there and it was one of the best times of my life. It was exciting, fun, and sometimes a little scary. I got to fly on the backs of elephants. I got to fly with Peter Pan. I got to experience what it felt like to be really small, and what it felt like to be really big. I got to eat with Disney characters. I got to climb mountains and tree houses. I even got to visit the Disney World First Aid when I got sunscreen in my eyes. I got to meet Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, and so many more Disney characters. I was living the life. I even met a duck that panted like a dog. (and no that wasn't Donald Duck, it was an actually duck that hung out by our hotel) I rode a plane for my first and last time. When we came back it felt like I would never be able to go back. Florida just seemed out of reach. 

Right before I moved to Lee University my youth pastor and his wife announced that they were leaving Maryland and moving to Florida to plant a church in a town called, North Port. A place that not even most Florida residents have heard of. The many members of our youth group and I were very devastated. But we came to terms, and they left. Spring break was coming up and I had to make a decision. Where was I going to go? Was I going to go home to my family and friends that I hadn't seen in a little over a month and a half? Or do I go to Florida and visit my youth pastor and his wife? The safe person inside of me wanted to go home to my friends and family who I had missed dearly, knowing that if I didn't I wouldn't see them for two months. The safe person in me said go home. I didn't have the money to go to Florida. I would be driving to a place I had never been before. It wasn't guaranteed that we would spend a lot of time with Brian and Jacqueline anyway. But I knew that I really wanted to go to Florida. I knew that that was where I was supposed to go. So I did.

I had a great time. I got to attend and serve at their new church which is now a spiritual home to many great residents of North Port. Their church was very inspiring to me, and allowed me to see the work God was doing. It was relaxing, and exactly what I needed. It got me motivated to be a part of God's ministry.

I got to go to the beach. I got to visit Sanibel Island, a beautiful part of Florida. I got to search for sea shells and spend time in the sun. I got to hang out with their amazing kids. I got something reading and work done.

While there Jenee, someone from our home in Maryland that was serving and Brian and Jacqueline's children's pastor, kept introducing Brenda and me as the two girls from the Maryland-Tennesee area. I thought it was funny, but also very true. I was no longer just from Maryland. I had now made a home in Tennessee as well. I decided to instead call it the Marylessee area (pronounce Mare-la-see). I found that it was okay to be okay where you're at. 

I feel like when we move away from home we go through so many emotions. At first we love it there. Then we really miss home. Then we get to a point where it's a little bit of both. We want to be in both places at the same time, but we know that we can't. So whenever we're in one place we're too busy feeling guilty and missing the other place. But being in Florida I found a peace of feeling happy and comfortable right where you're at. I was happy to be in Florida. I was happy to know that soon, but not too soon I'd be back in Tennessee. I was happy to know that after that I would be in Maryland. I began to fall in love with every place I was in.

Then a week after Spring Break I went to Smokey Mountain Winterfest to be an usher. I was nervous and the scared person inside of me wanted to say no. I wanted to say that I couldn't handle the responsibility. I wanted to say that it wasn't for me. I wanted to say that it wasn't God's plan for me. But I knew that was all wrong. God reminded me of something Pastor Brian had told me at the Premier Winterfest in Maryland. He told me that I should get involved with a youth group once I got down here so that I could go with them to Winterfest. Smokey Mountain Winterfest is known for being on of the best Winterfests around. Winterfest is a Christian conference made for the youth of our nation. It's a place for youth groups to come to and listen to Christian speakers and worship with big Christian bands. I knew that I needed to go. I figured what better way to do so than to serve. So I went. I said yes.

It was really nerve wrecking, but it was also really exciting. They didn't really give us much training. They handed us our buckets and sent us on our way. A girl from my hall, Baley, and I were in charge of an area with I would say about fifty, maybe a hundred people. I'm bad with guessing numbers like that. We were in charge of making sure they were having fun, collecting their donation buckets at the time of the offering, and bringing their money down to the correct area. Once downstairs we sorted out the money. I had never been around so much money in my life. We were also in charge of greeting everyone as they came in making sure they had wristbands that proved that they paid for this experience. It was the most fun, humbling, and insightful experience I had in a while. I saw people coming to the Lord. I saw miracles. I saw great speakers. I spoke to a member of the band. I saw the members of the bands just a few steps away from me. I saw great speakers. I had a great time, and would do it again in a heartbeat. 

This all just comes to prove that the yes man project was a great thing for me. It got me out of my comfort zone, and got me to do great things that I never imagined I could do. 

Day 28: Conclusions

Ah, today is the day I conclude. This project has brought me many great things. If anything it has brought back to me the joy of blogging. It has shown me that risk taking is not as scary as it seems. Contrary to popular belief, this project has relieved stress and caused less fear within me. I have found that when comes to deciding whether or not I should do something or go somewhere I no longer think about and fear it, I just do it. Like the wall that I had to climb over. I just did it. I didn't think about how high it was, and what could happen if I fall, I just hoisted myself over it and my life was all the better. 

I have learned that I believe anyone and everyone should do something like this in their lifetime. If you're scared of opportunities you need to try this! If you fear that one day you will look back on life and be angry about everything you didn't do, you need to try this! If you find that you are always turning down every opportunity you get, you need to try this! If you are the most adventurous person there is out there, you still need to try this! Because this project will show you limits you never knew you had, and get you to go beyond those limits. This project is one of the best things I have done for myself in a long time. Who knew that this would be the answer? 

I went to counseling. I tried to make new friends. I tried everything to get myself to fear less and stress less, but nothing worked. Finally I found something that did, and I never knew it would. I thought that this project would cause me to fear more and stress more. I  thought that the more I make myself do stuff the more I was going to stress out. I did find that this was the case in the beginning, but as I moved on things got better. The more opportunities I took that were awesome, and did not turn out bad as I thought they would, the more confident I became. I honestly feel like a new person. I don't think that I am going to come out of this project and go skydiving or anything ridiculous like that. But I do think that I am going to say yes a lot more often. I think I am going to fear less and stress less. I no longer walk into a social situation with fear. I walk in knowing that the worst that can happen is I walk out unchanged, and without any interaction. I realized that that is not the death of me. You can enjoy a party without talking to a single person as long as you learn to stop fearing and stop stressing. This project will get you there. 

In fact, I would argue that this project also strengthens your ability to say no. What's the point in that, you ask? Well, this project helps a lot with self-identity. You begin realize what you have been missing out on this entire time, but you also begin to realize more about what you enjoy and what you really aren't missing out on. I learned that I am missing out on great opportunities by not going to events like watching "Blue Like Jazz" or social gatherings, but I also learned that I don't have to worry about days when nothing happens. Those days can be just as great and just as useful. And it is okay to say no to something if I just want stay in today and watch a few movies, especially when I am the kind of person that can discover significant things about life through movies in the same way that English majors can discover some of the meanings of life through other literature. I can do this as long as I don't find myself doing this everyday. You will learn all about what you are missing out on, and what you don't really think is something missing within your life. You may be someone who has never gone to a party. This project will get you to that party. You may discover at that party that you love parties, or you may discover that you really never missed out on anything because parties are just not your thing. What I want to encourage of you though, if you choose to do this, is don't decide parties aren't for you only after going to one or three parties. Just because you don't enjoy a few, doesn't mean you don't enjoy them all. This project will not only help you to step outside of your comfort and learn to fear and stress less, but it will help you discover who you really are. 

Also, the most important I probably could have gotten from this was discovering what I want to do with myself in this life I have been given. I really have known for a while what I want to do, but I was scared because it meant a lot of work and it was something I was not really familiar with. But this project has taught me that things like this are not only the things you should not fear, but  the things that make life the best it can possibly be. So on that note, I have decided to double major in telecommunications and youth ministry. Once I graduate I am going to take a few courses on business at whatever community college is closest by to where I am living. I am going to be a youth minister for a few years out of college where I will live in the cheapest living I can find, and save up money. Also, here I am going to use this time to talk to whoever I can to get advice. Because my ultimate goal (something I never thought I would say) is to plant a church. If you know me, you know I am passionate about a lot of things! I once had to do a project for another English class where you wrote your name and then with drawings you displayed everything that you love and makes you, you. I remember my teacher looking at mine and saying, "Wow! You do a lot!" And it was true I did a lot. I loved math, writing, reading (not as much as writing), social studies, art, drama, music, film, sports, I played drums, guitar and piano, I played soccer, basketball, and softball, I loved to snowboard, I loved motocross,  and I did almost everything there was for me to do and loved it. The only thing I never liked was horseback riding. That was my sister's thing. So when trying to decide what to do I didn't want to think of it. I knew God was calling me to do  a lot of different things that didn't really connect so I had no idea how I was going to do it all. I think He's finally given me the answer with planting a church. I can be involved in missionaries, running a business, youth ministry, communications, and pretty much everything I have ever wanted. Thanks to this project I not only discovered the answer, but was not afraid to say yes to it. 

Overall, I fear and stress about less now, I have discovered more insight on who I am, And I am now leading a life that I love. 

Go out there, and become a "Yes Man."!

Day 25: Midnight Walmart Trip

So nothing really happened today until the night time. 

At 9:30 I was asked to go to Dunkin Donuts with my friends, and naturally I said yes. Going for food is not something I struggle with saying yes to. However, I planned on going to Dunkin Donuts for two donuts, but when I got there they shared with me that I could get six donuts for the price of the two. So I did. However, when I got back after eating two donuts I felt sick so I couldn't finish the rest. So I put the rest of the donuts in my dorm's lounge and wrote a note on them that they were free for eating. 

At midnight I wasn't feeling good so I crawled into bed. Just as I was about to sleep my friend walked in. She asked if I could go out driving with her. I said, "Yes." So I crawled out of bed and asked her where we were going. She said she didn't know she just needed to drive. She was dealing with some things and driving takes her mind off of it. So I told her I wanted to go to Walmart so I could buy the movie New Year's Eve. Here's the story about New Year's Eve. Months before the movie came out I told all of my friends that if I could see one movie in theatre's this year that would be the one (this was of course before I knew about Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close) However, the movie released at a weird time around us. It released at Christmas and ended around January second. Why? It's about New Year's. It should have been released more in January than December. Anyways, my point being I didn't expect these strange release dates and missed seeing the movies in theatre. I searched for the movie everywhere after that. I waited months for it to come out on DVD. I put in on my Dad's Netflix que, and then he cancelled his Netflix. When it came out I asked friend after friend if they had the movie, but no one did. When I had money I went to FYE and other stores but couldn't find it. I could find Valentine's Day, but not New Year's Eve. So naturally I spent the  money on other great movies. Then finally I found it at this Walmart in Tennessee. So the point of that really long story was I wanted it, and  if I was going out with my friend this late feeling like I was going to be sick at any second, I was going to get this movie. So we went out for a little while. Her curfew was at one so we had to get back before then. It wasn't too bad of a trip, and I am glad I was able to help her in this little way. Plus, I got NEW YEAR'S EVE! So it was a win-win really. 

Talk to you soon!

Day 24: I Workout

Today was slightly uneventful, but eventful all at the same time. The stories I am going to write about today began once again in my English class. First, I just want to know that I can be awkward. I make awkward facial expressions that usually don't portray how I feel, and end confusing those I am interacting. I awkwardly make my way through crowds, turing sideways, and scrunching my face as if that is going to make my entire body any smaller than it is. I awkwardly form sentences that usually never get my point across. I awkwardly announce the tragedies within my life, and then awkwardly laugh it off. I awkwardly take compliments. Someone compliments me, and I blush and respond with, "I don't know what to say to that.", and then we both feel awkward, and I awkwardly walk away. I am just AWKWARD. With that being said my teacher in English took up my quiz today, and I made an awkward face. He thought that I had something to say, and commented, "Are you not allowed to talk today?" I responded, "No." And then I remained awkward. The girl next to me then took this opportunity and said, "Don't talk." Like the guy who told me to talk in third person, she did not specify an amount of time of which I was to perform this task. So like unlike the third person, I decided I would only do it for the rest of this class. Then the class was put into groups so that we could discuss our reading for the day. I, being the only one with a copy of the reading, was not allowed to talk. The girl who had instructed me to not talk was within my group and she became frustrated. My teacher tried to help me out by telling me that I could talk again. However, my ground rule is that I am to listen to the first opportunity. Therefore, I still could not talk. But I found a loop hole after the girl who instructed me not to talk became frustrated with herself. I found that not talking in this class may effect my educational experience, and therefore due to my ground rule of not being able to effect my education, I was now allowed to talk. 

I know, this probably frustrates a lot of you. You think I am cheating. I understand. However, when you projects like this I warn that you be careful of your ground rules. Put enough in there to keep you from trouble, but know that when you are in a rough spot you will rely one these rules to give you loop holes out of situations like this one. So when planning your ground rules be specific, but not so specific that your project ends up not even being a project at all. Meaning, with my ground rules I can find a loop hole to almost everything, but if I did I would not take any opportunity and therefore this project would have absolutely no point whatsoever. So this is what I warn you of.

Then my friend asked me to workout with her. (Hence my title) I do have to say though, that this isn't really interesting. I am not really the couch potato that hates to exercise. I will admit that I am not very good with running, so I ride a bike. But I enjoy exercise, and always have. I do have to admit that the only exercise I had the most trouble with was forced exercise, like in gym class or sports. But I went to gym, as I should be doing weekly, and worked out the hardest I have in a long time. I felt great, but the next morning I hurt so bad. However, I love being sore because it means I actually did something. I hope to workout more often. I just find it hard to find time to do so. 

Lastly, today I played guitar at my small group. I was extremely nervous about doing so. I cannot sing to save my life, and the songs that I said I was going to play I never had time to practice. I got there and there was another girl playing guitar. She went before me. She claims that she has less experience on the guitar than me, but if I say so myself she is a pretty decent guitar player especially considering the time frame that she has been playing. Plus, she is an amazing singer. And I had to follow this amazing singer. So I chose not to sing. Instead, I played "How He Loves" by John Mark McMillan as everyone else sang. It was actually not bad, and if asked to do it again I probably will. Yes, I kept messing up the f chord because I was nervous and my guitar pick kept slipping out of my sweaty hands, but it sounded okay and it wasn't the death of me. 

As I said today was eventful, but not completely exciting. But I hope you enjoyed it anyway! Talk to you soon!

Day 26: Visiting a Place

Today I went to Walmart and surveyed some people. If you remember I did the same thing with college students on my campus. This time I asked Walmart employees and some of the customers. I was mostly trying to aim towards the middle-aged group so that I could introduce a different age group to my studies.

I asked the same four questions:

What's the riskiest thing you have done?
Would you become a yes man?
How many often do you turn down opportunities?
Anything you regret?

Question One:
42% answered with moving far away from home
42% answered spending a lot of money
15% nothing
1 person answered Flying a helicopter

The first two answers make sense. As an adult one typically moves away from their home, and takes on financial responsibility. So the average person will view a large amount of money spent, or a long move very risky.

Question Two:
75% answered no
25% answered I don't know
0% answered yes

I think results like this display the fact that people want choice. Most of the people I surveyed did not know what the yes man was. So once I had explained it they were turned off by the idea that they had to say yes. Human's tend to want choice, even if choosing the "wrong" answer could be harmful for them they want the choice to figure it out themselves, or "let me make my own mistakes".

Question Three:
25% answered often
75% answered not often

This one I don't really know. It was found that college students usually found themselves turning down opportunities often. So the opposite of what these results show. I am pretty sure I know the answer as to why college students find themselves turning down so many opportunities. As a college student you have to learn to balance, education, social life, food, exercise, work, and so many other things. On top of that everyone on campus is having an event, handing out free stuff, doing a project, or anything. So you come to a dilemma of not having enough time in the day. You need to do your work, but you also can't do every event on campus. So you turn down a lot. For example one day I was asked to go to four different events, all of which were at the same time. I had to turn down at least three of them. This is why I think college students feel this way. What confuses me is the difference between college students and adults. Adults have busy lives just as much as college students. Are they just not being presented with as much opportunities? Is there something I am missing. I am not sure. The thing that I can most likely conclude is that they just aren't presented with as many opportunities as college students are and therefore they don't feel like they miss out because they do accept the ones suggested. For example, a college student could be asked by five different people to go out to dinner with them daily, where as an adult will usually be called up by maybe one person to go out to dinner on a weekend. So therefore every day the college student is turning down four opportunities where as the adult is not turning down any. 

Question Four:
50% answered no
50% answered yes

These results were strange to me. I predicted that the older you were the more of a chance you would have to regret something. It makes sense the more time on earth, the more things you do, the more of a chance you have to have regrets. But then I realized that I was surveying a population who was kind of in the middle. The way I see it college students, who's results were 75% yes and 25% no, are more likely to have regrets because we have just come out of such a judging time of our life, high school. Just about everything one does in high school is known by everyone. If you do something stupid the entire world knows and the entire world judges you. In college that mentality dies down, but the anxiety from your recent past still exists causing to feel regretful.

When you are older and closer to death you begin to reflect on your life and therefore conclude on some of things things you regret. 

But as a middle aged adult you are kind of just in the middle. You don't have the anxiety from the recent pressures of attempting juvenile perfection in high school, but you also don't have the pressure of the end, you're just there. I think that this creates one to feel free from regrets. Some of course still feel the pressure of parents/in laws and society as a whole. This is the reason for the fifty/fifty split. You have either grown out of your past anxiety or you haven't. 

Day 21: Research (Article)

Experience Psychology by Laura A. King

Today I decided to take another approach in the field of hard research (research that is read; by my definition), and read part of my textbook from Psychology as opposed to an article. My hopes was to understand from a psychologist's point of view why some  people are adventurous and some are not. What I found were many theoretical reasons that sparked my interest.

pg 348

"Humanistic: Stress a person's capacity for personal growth and positive human qualities. Humanistic psychologists believe that we all have the ability to control our lives and to achieve what we desire."

According to Humanists we have the potential to decide whether we are adventurous or not. So if one wanted to become adventurous, they just would. Maybe by taking on the "yes man" project, or maybe by just deciding that they would become more adventurous. If one agrees with the views of a Humanistic than it is pretty easy for one to become more adventurous. 

Maslow:

Maslow's Hierarchy

1. biological needs

2. safety

3. belonging 

4. self-esteem

5. Self-actualization

Perhaps though some get trapped in Maslow's hierarchy. Perhaps some of us are too concerned with our safety that we may never become adventurous. Some may never bungee jump or sky dive because they feel it is unsafe. Or even in a smaller spectrum some may never want to attend parties in fear that their safety is insecure whether in a physical way (alcohol poisoning, drugs, etc.)or a social way (rejection of any sort).

pg 352

Five Factors of Personality

This part was interesting. According to the book there are five factors of personality, neuroticism, extraversion, openness to experience, agreeableness, and conscientiousness. 

Neuroticism:
These types of people feel more negative emotion than positive emotion within their lifetime. 

Openness:
These types of people are usually more open-minded and tolerant of others. 

Conscientiousness:
These types of people usually excel in academic matters. 

Agreeableness:
These types of people are usually more generous. Agreeableness is usually linked to those of a religious faith. Also those who are agreeable tend to have a better experience with romantic relationships. 

*Extraversion:
These types of people are more like to engage in social activities. They are more likely to experience gratitude. They are more likely to be forgiving. They are more likely to develop a sense of meaning in life.

I couldn't help (obviously being biased since I am a Christian myself) but relate this one to Christians. Before you read the rest know that I am not saying that you must be a Christian to be adventurous, as I point and shake my finger at you like an adult does to a child who has been "naughty", but rather to point out something that I noticed. Obviously, there are many adventurous people out there that are not Christian, but it does make me wonder. Why wouldn't Christians be adventurous? If we truly believe that God has a hold of our life, and that in Him we are safe, then why don't we jump out of airplanes knowing we are completely safe? We are forgiving, aren't we? We experience gratitude, don't we? And we should have a sense of meaning in life, shouldn't we? So then why are some of us still not adventurous? Please, don't think that I am challenging every Christian to step up and jump out of airplanes. I understand that God has placed multiple types of people in this world so that they can fulfill their purpose. Not everyone is meant to jump out of an airplane. I am just curious as to why some of us don't take up more opportunities. 

I mean look at me, I refuse to get out of my dorm room sometimes. Why? What am I afraid of? I sit in church singing songs that say things like, "in you death has lost it's sting". Yeah? Do I really believe that? Because if I did what the heck else is there to be afraid of other than death? Do I believe that once I am done with this project I will never turn down an opportunity again? Of course not. But I do hope that when I am done I fall under this category of an extravert more often than any other category for I feel that this is where I should be. 

So overall I learned that if you are a humanist, changing yourself to become more adventurous is incredibly easy for you. You just have to believe you can do it. I also learned that those who fall under the category of extravert are more likely to take opportunities. 

Talk to you soon!

Day 22

First off I want to start with saying that my title says thirty days, but in reality the project has only 28 days. However, I have kind of fallen in love with this project. I don't think that I will continue it completely, but I think I might continue journaling on here to you guys about my adventures and ideas of life. As I have mentioned before I have two other blogs. One that I write on whenever I want to sort of "preach" about things or write poetically. This blog is usually one of my follower's favorites. http://yourekillingmesmalls23.blogspot.com My other blog is    one where I  planned one writing everyday about my adventures in college. However, I quickly realized once I got here that not everyday is interesting. So I didn't really follow up with posting everyday. So I have decided that this is where I am going to post about research I have done, revelations about my school work or life plans, and that such. Kind of like a journal to the world on who I plan to be.   And this is that blog. http://tideintheaffairsofmencollege.blogspot.com And on this blog (the yes man) I will continue to blog about my adventures, and people I meet. I hope that you stick with me. Please if you have any questions message me! Especially if you want to know about being a "yes man".

This week at Lee University is Mission's week. Mission's week is basically when a lot of people doing mission's work around the world come to our school to talk about what they have done, and try and get us to be passionate about it as well. For those of you who don't know mission's work is when someone goes somewhere (usually a third world country, but can be in the U.S. as well) to do either physical work to help rebuild communities or to spread the love of God.

The frustrating part about this week however is my heart is completely drawn towards mission's work. I want to help whoever I can in any way possible. If I had a lot of money. I would go around the world trying to help whoever I could. Why is this frustrating? Because this week I have person after person firing me up about how much I want to help people, and then they leave. After they leave I am left here a fiery ball of heart break towards those who are suffering with no idea of how to direct my flame of passion. This is the problem with most people who share their missionary. They share with you the heart breaking stories. Some even ask for a donation to help them. That's fine, but what happens if I have no money to help you now, and you just leave me here broken, wanting to help in some way but not knowing how? This is the problem, and this is what frustrates me the most.

On a lighter note, for you, today in class I was asked to do yet another idiotic thing. I stupidly announced that I found I was experiencing more uneventful days with my project than eventful. So a kid in my english class decided he was going to take this opportunity to make me look like an idiot. So he demanded that I talk in third person for the rest of the day. This is probably one of the hardest things I had to do for this project, and I failed miserably. I hate to talk about myself. It's even awkward for me when others talk about me, especially if it's a compliment. So referring to Brooke, makes Brooke feel awkward. So Brooke realized that the boy in her class did not specify exactly how long Brooke was to refer to herself in third person. So Brooke decided that she would refer to herself in third person for the rest of the day. And Brooke failed. Brooke forgot often that she was even supposed to do so. Brooke would try and then halfway through the sentence I would forget and refer to myself in first person, just like this sentence. It was the roughest thing Brooke had to do this project. If you want to give yourself a hard time, talk in third person for the rest of the day.

So this is pretty much all I have for today. Hope you enjoyed it! Talk to you soon!