Day 23: Visiting a Place

Today I was going to visit the nursing home and ask them about what they regret in life. However, after discussing this and thinking it over I realized that is a very morbid question. And being someone who suffers from depression associated with the thought of dying, I would hate to depress someone else in the same way. Though I may still visit a nursing home just to go and talk to them because I am sure they would love someone to talk to, I will not being going there to conduct this research. So instead I researched it online. I know this might be considered cheating, but I really want to know what people at that age regret the most, but I don't want to depress anyone. So I looked at this article. The article is on a former nursing home attendant sharing the top five most expressed regrets of those on their death bed. Those five regrets, staying in touch with friends, being true to yourself, working too hard, lack of courage to express their feelings. When reading this article I was a little shocked. I was expecting and kind of hoping that their answers would be the opportunities that they didn't take. That answer would have made for a better argument on my behalf. But as well all learn in life things don't always go the way we predict, and in those situations we can sometimes learn the best things in life. There was a certain freedom that I gained when reading this article. I had been told by many that their biggest regrets were not things they had done, but things they hadn't done. Yet these people on their death beds, where it is said one contemplates their life the most, were worried about things they hadn't done, but not in the sense of opportunity but rather in the sense of relationships with others. So even though this project has enlightened my life immensely if I turn down opportunities from now on, according to this article, it won't come up on my death bed. So what will come up on my death bed? What do I have to worry about? Relationships. 

With this article I have found that I could travel the world, bungee jump, skydive, swim in the ocean, whatever, but if I don't keep in touch with myself and those around me none of this will matter. This makes sense. This is the basis of many movies. Characters that get all they have, but lose people in the making, and in the end those people weigh more than anything they ever wanted. Like, Family Man Nicholas Cage is a character who has everything he ever wanted. One morning he finds himself waking up with a past lover, and for a few days he explores life with her and without his success. In the end he discovers this imaginary life is better than all of his success. Many movies are like Family Man. So with the research I have done I realized that, though I believe everyone should try this project and enrich their life more with taking more opportunities, you should focus on those around you. Who is in your life right now? Family? Friends? Kids? Do you put them above everything else? Or do you let your work or adventurous lifestyle take place before them? These are the questions you should evaluate if you want to stray away as much as you can from regrets on your death bed. Talk to you soon! 

Day 20: Reflection

Today was the day I went back to Tennessee. The weirdest thing though is when we were headed to Maryland I kept referring to it as going home (that's normal though), but when we were headed to Tennessee I also referred to it as going home. I saw no issue, but everyone from Maryland kept correcting me which is understandable. The day started off with Victoria, Brenda, Rebekah, Laura, and I all going to church. We were surprising the people there too. It was really cool. People that I didn't even know knew me started getting happy that we were there. The worst part though was when they asked us how long we were staying and we had to respond, "Well, until after second service worship, then we're headed home..." I connected with a lot of people that I had never really connected with before. Most of them were adults older than I was. It was a really cool experience. 

The entire way home was twelve hours of reflecting on what had happened the last three days. I realized first and foremost that the crap that comes between people doesn't matter anymore. When I got home I didn't care who I hung out with most and who talks crap about me, I was just happy to see them. All of them. Even the ones that were new and I knew nothing about. I didn't care what age they were and whether I knew them, I just loved being there with them. When you go from having every day with people to lucky if you see them every few months you begin to throw away the crap, and just cherish the moment. I learned that I had changed a lot (for the good), but I still felt just as home when I was in Maryland. 

I wrote down in my journal what I would say to those in my youth group in Maryland if I had the chance. The Unfortunate part is that even if I ever got the chance to say these words, they wouldn't hear them. We as human beings are very stubborn. Billions of people have lived before us and given us so much wisdom and advice, but we refuse to listen because we think that we can do better. How many people end up with broken hearts because they don't listen to those around them, older then them, warning them that the relationship they are in is not healthy. How many times does history repeat itself because we refuse to learn from it? The pain you feel could have been prevented if you had just listened to those trying to warn you. Those in high school listen to your parents and friends in college trying to warn you about how you are going to miss those days. Those of you who "hate" your parents right now, listen to those before you warning you that one day you won't have them by your side daily and that day you'll regret that you didn't cherish it while you had it. Most importantly love everyone like today will be the last day you see them, because you never know it just might be. 

10/21/2012 Day 20

If I could give any advice to those at home I would say sit down and take a look at the people around you. Yes, even the one's you can't stand. These are the people that you're heart will break for when you are missing them one day. Look at you're family. They are your back bone. They have brought you up to take care of yourself even if that meant not taking care of you at all, and yes, when you leave you will miss them like crazy. I promise. For those of you who believe your parents are terrible, I promise you there is worse, and even if there isn't like they teach us in psychology, one prefers the bad familiar over the good unfamiliar. I am not trying to say your life isn't hard because I remember being you not too long ago, and you will probably never understand what I am saying until you leave, but do not take what you have now for granted. One day misplacing your license, someone talking bad about you, and the grades you make won't matter anymore. In fact, you'll learn how to laugh at it. For when you are in complete turmoil because all you want to do is get that life back, you won't care about the crap that comes with it. When all you want is your former friends and your family, people who don't love you just don't seem to matter anymore. Love your family. For pretty soon you'll be lucky if you see them every few weeks. Open your hearts to everyone around you because you never know who you are going to call on your roughest days when you just need someone to help you get through. I promise you, one day that person that you just can't stand will be the person you somehow find yourself calling just to hear what's going on in their life because they are a small piece of what used to be your life. Work hard and keep up, but don't be afraid to fail. And if there comes a day where you have to chose, never miss great memories like prom, church events, trips, retreats, and even movies with friends. Because when you're gone these are the moments that you'll have to hold on to and keep you going. Don't allow yourself to have regrets. I promise that if you don't go (to prom, retreats, whatever) one day you will question, and regret. Don't regret. But if I could say one word to you, only one word, that word would be, love.

Now I'm back. It's the weirdest feeling ever. I am torn. I want with all of my heart to just be back with my family and friends, but I also want to be here. I love being at both places. I love the things I learn here, and the things I get to do. But I also miss with all of my heart everything from back home. Overall, I am SO glad I went home for the weekend. I have no regrets. Please don't turn down opportunities like this. Please take any opportunity you get. You won't regret it! Talk to you soon!

Day 19: Day with My Other Family

Today is the day! I woke up early in the morning at six to get to the church where I was meeting with Victoria. From there we drove an hour to the campgrounds where the youth was staying. I was sporting an army jacket of my dad's that was three times my size because I stupidly forgot to bring jackets home with me. Once we got there a member of the youth who already knew we were coming met with us. Then she took us into where the youth was having breakfast. We walked in casually like nothing was happening. Our youth leader slyly said, "Well hey. Find a seat anywhere." At first I was a little disappointed. No one was reacting. They were just going on and eating. Then finally a few of them looked up, and then it hit them. Everyone displayed their own face of surprise. They jumped up and greeted us. It was one of the greatest feelings I have ever had. Some of them said that it took them a while to respond because they didn't really realize what was happening. One girl said that she didn't think anything of it. She thought, "Oh hey, they're just coming from their cabins. Wait? Wait what?" And then she realized. Haha. It was great. We sat down and ate breakfast with them, and talked in person for the first time in months. It felt like we had never left. I felt more connected with them now then ever before.

Then after breakfast we went into what was called the lakeside house. It was this little building that was on the lake. It was such a beautiful scene. They had set it up as our hangout spot. When you walked in there was a room full of couches and FOOD! Then it led to another room with a stage set up, and string lights hanging from the ceiling. We went in there where we had a quick worship followed by a message from our youth leader Mark. It was so great to be finally back there. Yes, things have changed. We lost our youth pastor and his wife as they moved to Florida to start their own church, and we were now led by a group of people as opposed to just two. But they are all people that we have known before. It felt like nothing had changed. Then they told us that we were about to embark on our group building project. So they got us to pair up with people and then they blindfolded all of us. Then they revealed our mission. We were to all link as one big long chain of blindfolded people out of the building and around the campground. We were only allowed to say four words without any clarification as to what they meant, "Up, down, left, right." The leaders lead us all out as we were blindfolded. The chain broke often since everyone in front of you was pulling you forward, and everyone behind you was pulling you backwards in fear or separating from you. So then we were given one last noise that we could do to signal that we had broken off it was a bird call of sorts. We learned very quickly that up meant step up, and down meant duck. Our leaders weaved us in between cars and trees, and everywhere. Eventually then led us onto some sort of platform. Then the platform began to rock. Some people screamed in fear that they were on a boat. Our challenge was to balance whatever we were on. It took us a while, and a few of us fell off, but we got it eventually. Then they let us take our blindfolds off, and we saw that we were on a gigantic balancing board. From there they split us into groups.

My group's first task was this:
There were two platforms with a rope in between. We were to get from one platform to the next using the rope. Here's the catch. Only one of us was allowed to talk. The shyest one of all of us. We had to get the rope without stepping off the platform. Lastly, we all had to fit on the platform. Fourteen of us on what appeared to be a 2x2 platform (measured in feet). If we fell off we lost the limb that touched the ground. It was interesting, but we did it.

Next Task:
This one was challenging for me. I am terrified of heights, and I hated people lifting me up. The task was that we all had to get over what appeared to be an eight foot wall. The only person allowed to talk was the person going over the wall. And everyone had to get over. We decided that we would designate two people that we knew could climb the wall on their own to lift us all over the wall. The plan was successful. The most amazing thing about it was my turn. I didn't even think about it. I just grabbed the hands of those lifting me, and climbed over the wall. If you asked me to do that last year I would have laughed at you and walked away. I am beginning to noticed the small changes within me because of this project.

Next Task:
All fourteen of us had to fit on what was called an elephant stand. It was maybe 1x1 (measured in feet). The catch (besides the size) they blindfolded who they thought to be the three strongest leaders, two others and of course me. I thought, okay, and sat back as everyone else discussed how to go through with this. Usually, I would be terrified, but not this time. Someone grabbed me and brought me onto the platform and instead of being terrified as my heart rate sped up I just followed them with trust.

Last Task:
We were to balance all fourteen of us on log connect to a tree by wires that rocked back and forth. Anyone was allowed to talk, except those who fell of the log. So I of course waited to be last on the log so that I could talk the entire time. It took us quite a few tries, but we got it eventually.

I really enjoyed these activities. It kind of felt like my final test for this project. Here I was in an environment that normally terrified me with people I felt comfortably enough with to refuse to do anything, and yet I didn't. I did it all without fear. Once again I felt at peace.

After the activities we went back to the lakeside house and discussed many things. The leaders opened up to the youth and allowed them to share their ideas as to what the youth group should be doing. How they should get out events. What events they should be doing. Everything. It was a great time to see how the youth was struggling, and also how much they weren't struggling. While down here I have gotten lots of letters and facebook messages on how terrible it has been back home in the youth after the leaders changed up a lot of things. But in this meeting I began to realize that nothing change but the leaders. Sure they no longer have service on saturday, and Jacqueline and Brian aren't there. But they all still communicate the same way. They all still hang out and care for each other. They all still fight and get frustrated. It's still a family. Then we went to lunch. After lunch we all broke out into the interlude. Where people from other churches on the campground sat around and wondered what we were doing. After dinner we did the same thing, but with the Cupid Shuffle. This time a lot of people joined in with us. There is something about our youth group that draws people in. Whenever we go to places like Winterfest and Teen Talent we always gain friends and people that just want to be a part of us. While we were blindfolded and being lead through the forest kids from other churches were trying to join us. Some would come along our side and warn us about the trees we were about to run into. It was especially cool because I got to share the african version of the cupid shuffle with the youth that I had learned at Lee. I was just so happy to be with them all again.

Which leads me to the next part, the hardest part of the day. After our dance party we went into lakeside house again and worshipped. It was such and amazing worship service. I felt so in touch with God. The "Yes Man" project has even crept into my spiritual life. Whenever we are worshipping or praying as a whole in church I always feel like I should pray for certain people in the youth, but I never do. This time was different. Someone's named popped up in my head and I went right to them, no question. Eventually we all joined hands in the room in a circle. We began to pray for everyone in the circle. And then we began to sing. Then we all sat down, and the worship leader asked us to all cry out to God, so we did. Eventually I began singing "Your Presence is Heaven to Me" from the Forward conference we had gone to over the summer. Then someone next to me began singing, "Jesus be the Center" from the same Forward conference. Next thing I know we are all singing "Jesus be the Center". Eventually the song died off and Mark came up to pray. After his prayer everyone got ready for the message he was about to speak. Then what I had been dreading the entire time came, Victoria's mom came up to me and told me it was time to go. So I grabbed my stuff, and tried to nonchalantly wave Mark goodbye and leave. He said goodbye back and everyone realized we were leaving. So everyone began to jump up to hug us and say goodbye. The first few people I was fine. Then I looked over and saw Brenda saying goodbye in complete tears. Then I broke down. Tears flooded out of my eyes. I couldn't keep it together anymore. Eventually, however we left, and we all went home.

Just another day that proves this trip was worth the 24 hours of driving. It was hard, but I needed it. Tomorrow is my last day in Maryland. Talk to you soon!

Day 18: Day With the Family

Today was the day of fall break that I got to spend all day with my family. My dad took the day off of work. I was so excited. We really didn't do anything spectacular. In fact, I spent the entire day catching up on some of the shows that I don't always have time to watch when I am down in Tennessee. However, it was still a great day. My mom sat down and watched TV with me. I was surprised. I love my mom, so please don't judge her based off this next statement. But usually my mom is either constantly on her computer or on her phone. When she isn't she's painting amazing pictures. So the fact that we were sharing the couch with our many dogs sitting in between us was amazing. Then she shared with me that my dad had been struggling. Apparently when my dad got back home after dropping me off at school he was a little upset. So my mom said that she had decided to start watching TV with him again. That might sound lame to you. But that sounds amazing to me! Watching TV is one of my dad's favorite ways to pass time. Sitting with my dad as he watches TV is a great way to feel connected with him. Then I learned that my mom, who used to still be wide awake when I would wake up at 6:00 a.m., was actually going to bed with my dad and waking up at reasonable times in the morning as opposed to mid-afternoon. I came home for the fall retreat surprise, but I am so glad that I came because I got to see my family. I became a little upset. Why is it that when I leave my family starts to get closer? But then I realized that if I hadn't left they wouldn't have gotten closer. My dad would not be upset, and my mom would have no reason to try and hangout with him. 

Later in the day my parents took me shopping. :) I loved this shopping trip. We went to Walmart and for the first time in months I felt free to shop. I still tried to look out for deals because I didn't want to disrespect my father, but I also did kind of got crazy. (sorry dad) But I bought so much food, ravioli, fruit snacks, chocolate, and pop tarts! Then I got things like rain boots, socks, and underwear. (sorry TMI  I know, but hey it's a part of life) However, I forgot all of the important stuff like, toilet paper, paper towels, trash bags, and cleaner for my bathroom in Tennessee. The way back home was something amazing. Before I tell the story I must let you know that I am TERRIFIED of tornados. Even the mention of the word makes me shiver. On the way home it began to storm out of nowhere. We turned on the weather station on the radio as the clouds around us began to rotate. Then the station began to say things like, "Take cover." "Get to the lowest floor of your house." "If you're on the road, find a ditch." Things always followed by, "We are under a tornado warning." Usually my reaction to words like this is hyper-ventilation and sheer terror. But this time I just watched the clouds swirl as I smiled in complete serenity. Something about this project is creating me to let go of fear, and grasp on to the thought of knowing everything will be fine. I felt at peace. 

It was one of the best days I have had in a while. I'm so glad I came to Maryland. Can't wait for tomorrow! Talk to you soon!

Day 17: Best Adventure Yet

A few weeks before I started this project if you would have asked me if I was going home for fall break I would have said, "No way. 24 hours of driving is not worth the two days I will be staying there." I was convinced I was not going. Then I got a reason to go. All of my friends here at college with me that are from my church back home were going home, and three out of four of them were going to surprise the youth group back home while they were one their fall retreat. The fall retreat was when our youth group went to some sort of campground and had an amazing time having fun, and getting closer to everyone and God. I was so stoked. But then I realized that the trip would cost money. So I decided again that I was not going. I couldn't afford it. And if I wasn't able to do the main reason I was going home. Then I didn't want to go at all. But then someone asked me during the yes man project, and so I had to say yes. Yes, this does kind of seem like it would fall under the impossible category, but I decided to just trust that everything would work out. And it did. Remember back when I told my grandparents that I needed help, and they provided me with help? Well the money they gave me was more than I expected. :) So I was able to afford the trip with the money they gave me. So today I traveled thirteen hours back home. We left at six in the morning, and arrived home at 7:30 ish p.m.

The entire trip Victoria and I switched off as drivers. I drove most of the way. I was okay with doing so though. My stomach was acting up, and driving took my mind off of it. I don't remember what provoked it, but I saw a sign and decided to scream, "BUCKLE UP VIRGINIA!" followed by what I can only describe as a tribal call. So for the rest of the trip whenever something like this happened we would all do the tribal call, and it kept things fun as well as kept us awake. We did this with any state sign, every time we gained back minutes on our GPS count down, anytime an hour or a significant amount of mileage was completed, and so on. Then we got into MARYLAND. Once we got there our tribal call turned into all out high pitched girl screams. I even joined in with what I like to call my horror  film scream. It's where I strain all the muscles in my neck and scream. It produces an incredibly high-pitched murderous scream that always provides a good laugh. Especially when it's a guy doing it. Finally we got to Victoria's house, our destination, and we screeched all the way up the driveway. Victoria's parents were concerned for our safety. It was probably one of the best road trips I have ever been on. I am so glad I decided to go home. My next few entries will be on this trip. I hope you enjoy! Talk to you soon!

Day 16: Article

Learning to Say No - Confessions of a Business Yes Man

Today I read this article titled, "Learning to Say No - Confessions of a Business Yes Man" by Steve C. of which you can see the link to above. This article is a little different than the ones I have read in the past. Instead of reading an article on someone who learned the importance of saying yes, this man learned the importance of saying no. Steve describes himself of a different version of a "Yes Man" that I have come across in the research I have done with this project. He speaks of the "Yes Man" with no back bone. A person not out for adventure, but rather someone who simply can't say no. I understand this person. Though I was quick to say no to any opportunity, I could never turn down someone who asked for a favor. "Can you lend me some money?" "Can you go up to my room and get my computer?" "Can you throw my food away?" I had no problem saying yes to things like this. Sometimes I genuinely enjoy helping people out, but sometimes I actually can't find anything within me that will let me say no to questions like these. This is why during this project I have become frustrated with the people who have turned me into their puppet. Asking me these questions knowing that I have to say yes. I am not frustrated with them because I have to do it. I am frustrated because it's nothing new to me. I have always done things like that. With this project I wanted to start getting myself to say yes to opportunities. 

Steve was just like me. Couldn't say no to a crying customer, or someone desperate for something. He simply couldn't say no to doing a favor for someone. This was especially harmful to him because he was a business man who just began his business. He ran into customer after customer that would take advantage of this "Yes Man" style. They would request he hand deliver, buy a lot of product and then they wouldn't purchase all of it, and for him to create a completely different product than what he offers only to be dissatisfied and not purchase the product. So Steve learned that this version of a "Yes Man" was not beneficial, and so unlike me, he learned how to say no. He learned the importance of the two letter word, and the power it can hold especially in business. I have learned the importance of no as well. However, I have learned the importance of finding the balance between no and yes. I am discovering that I should say yes more often to opportunities, but I should also learn how to say no to people trying to take advantage. 

Life overall is a balancing act. Balancing that amount of food, and the amount of exercise. Balancing the hours we're awake with the hours we're asleep. Balancing our time management. Being a "Yes Man" is no different. You must learn the balance between what you should say yes to, and what you should say no to. Don't allow yourself to be walked over, but don't miss the opportunities that come knocking at your door. Talk to you soon!

Day 14: Finally an Interview!

I have been sending out a lot of requests for interviews, but no one was responding. Finally, I  got one! 

I interviewed Amira. I found Amira through her blog about how she too attempted the Yes Man project. 

I asked her four questions:

1. What was the biggest thing you took away from the project?

          Answer: The biggest things I took away were the new experiences that I gained from saying yes. Like I mentioned in my post, it's easy to say no or make up excuses and never know the opportunities that we are missing out on. After saying yes all the time, I've realized all the great memories I've made by just keeping an open mind and not making excuses. 

2. Did the project have a permanent effect on your life?

          Answer: I only started this project about a month ago but the past month has been exceptional. I've had a very fun month with many adventures that I might have never had without the Yes Man theory. I think by following the theory people become happier and more fulfilled with their everyday lives. 

3. What were the negative effects the project had on your life?

          Answer: I'm not sure there were many ones. I mean, it's tiring to continuously say yes and go with the flow but then you realize it's worth it. 

4. What advice could you give someone like me who is taking on the project?

          Answer:  Keep an open mind. You never know what will happen next so the best thing you can do is try and be positive about it. Also, sometimes we make excuses and don't even realize it. Obviously you can't say yes to everything in the world but be aware of the moments when you're passing up on an opportunity and don't even realize it (i.e. mine would be when I was tired and almost went home one night instead of going out with some new people).

Overall, I found that Amira and I agreed on many things. We both think that this project should be taken on, even if for just a little while, by everyone. It makes you more adventurous, and as she put it, happy. I also agree with her statement that we sometimes don't realize every opportunity we turn down. This is something I am definitely learning through this project as I mistakenly say no to opportunities only to realize that I had done so by the end of the day. It was really great interviewing Amira, and it was nice to see that we agree on just about everything. Talk to you soon!